A New Level of Retardation

Is retardation even a word? Well it is now!

Note: Heavy work load this semester. Not thinking straight. It may be better for you if you read this while medicated.

It may not surprise you people that this blog post involves the recent actions of PETA.

For those of you who don't know who PETA is, it stands for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. You know, those guys who smoke peyote all day and who are trying to legalize goat marriages in California.

Yeah, now you know who I'm talking about.

People working to help animals. I like animals. So, you'd think I wouldn't have a problem with PETA.

You'd be wrong.

See, as much as their intentions seem good, they fall into the same problem that plagues so many other groups.

They're retarded.

I understand the whole saving the animals thing. That's okay. Stopping animal cruelty? Definitely.

Then they start with the whole vegetarian thing...

This, I don't like.

If someone chooses to become a vegetarian, that's fine. It's their life and they can choose what they want to or don't want to eat. But when someone starts telling me not to eat meat, that ain't right.

If remove meat from my diet, I'd basically be eating potatoes and...

Well potatoes.

So I don't agree with this whole issue. But that is not the retarded part I'm talking about.

No, these guys have set a new record for epic levels of retardedness.

Are you ready?

Seriously you may want to sit down.

They want to rename fish.

I'm not kidding. They want... to rename... fish.

Their basic argument is that fish have been given a bad rap and a fresh, new name will help people realize that they are beautiful creatures that should be left alone.

Guess what they want to name them.

Go ahead and try. I dare ya.

...

Whatever you guessed, it wasn't retarded enough.

They want to rename fish...Sea kittens.

Yes, sea kittens.

People I'm not making this up. www.peta.org/sea_kittens/

PETA has always been messed up. But this is crazy even for them.

Maybe when they're not eating plants, they're smoking them.

Their argument, is that if fish had a cuter name, people would be less likely to eat them. Yeah... the name is the problem. People hear the word fish and their mouths water. People hear the word kitten and no matter what we are talking about, people want to cuddle with it.

Now that's logic.

We can totally solve all of life's problems! We just have to give things a new name.

Pictured: Puppy McSnugglebunny

Have Cancer? Not anymore! Now you have funny bumps. Don't you feel better about it now?

Or AIDS? Yeah that name is quite the downer.

Let's just call it "The Smiles!" And you have to do the Jazz hands when you say it.

This is a great idea! Or it isn't.

I don't know about you, but I would totally eat a sea kitten.

I don't even like fish, but if they renamed them sea kittens you could be darn sure I would be at the beach every day with a knife and fork.

I could get carried away and eat a dolphin. Don't worry though, I'll call it a Sea Hamster first.

That would make it ok.

Honestly, I think I just have to stop reading the news. Every time I start to think I couldn't think less of humanity, someone comes along and says "Guess what moisturizer Obama uses!" And then we all lose.

Screw it.

Tomorrow, I'm going to the aquarium and I'm going to punch a fish in the face.

Wait...

Sorry... That was the anger talking.

I'm going to punch a Sea kitten in the face.