Oh hark...please stop singing

First of all, I would like it to be know that I am not a Grinch. Sure I am overweight, and hairy, and don't like to cover the lower half of my body.

But that's not being a Grinch, that's just being a dude.

That being said, I would like to address the development of Christmas Carols.

Holy...crap.

At some point these songs have derailed.

When did beautiful songs about the birth of Jesus and happy tunes about family and love get replaced by functionally retarded rednecks singing some hick song about a drunken reindeer?!

My wife loves listening to Christmas music. There is a radio station here in Houston that plays Christmas songs 24 hours a day until Christmas. Naturally, the radio in our car is always tuned to this station.

I don't really mind this, until I began noticing how horrible these songs have gotten. There are 3 things that I was able to channel my loathe towards.

First, the song "Feliz Navidad".

I know we all have fond memories of Big Bird skating around a ice rink to this song. But have you ever realized how dumb of a song it is? I counted it folks. There are a total of 20 words in this song.

20.

words.

And its not like they are inspiring words either. It just says merry Christmas over and over again. Sure, its in two languages. But I don't think you have to be an expert in linguistics to realize this song falls short of most Christmas carols.

Here ya go, I will write the literary equivalent to this song. Ahem:

Happy Arbor Day. We should plant a tree. Feliz dia de Arbor. Necesito comprar una pinata. From the bottom of my heart.

That's 22 words. I go above and beyond. I'll take my million dollars now.

The next thing I don't like is when people take Christmas carols, and then adapt them to some new song.

I'm not talking about different people singing the same song. I'm not even talking about people taking a melody and beefing it up a little.

But when I have to listen to two, no talent hicks, sing some random, twangy, rock, version of I "Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause", I draw the line.

It wasn't even that good of a Christmas song to begin with!

Lastly, is narrowed down to two songs. These songs are the same basic melody repeated over, and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and I hope you really get the point by now.

The first is called "Wonderful Christmas Time". Allow me to tell you the chorus. "Simply having a wonderful Christmas time".

...

That's it.

That is the chorus.

You now have learned 78% of the song.

I'm inspired.

The second song...it the worst. I hate this song.

Hate.

This.

Song.

Its called "Merry Christmas (War is Over)" by the Beatles.

The Beatles had some good songs. Unfortunately, this one is not one of them. I think the Beatles were dipping into the eggnog early on this one. It's got a very "whiny" tune that just drags on and on and repeats over and over.

Seriously, if you don't know this song go look it up. After 4 minutes of listening to it, you'll find yourself on a rooftop with a deer rifle. Yeah the song is about love, peace, and rock 'n roll. But listening to it makes me want to hurt myself which seems a bit counter productive to the message.

I know this all sounded negative. And I really do love Christmas songs. I think they are fun and some of them are really really good. I just have a problem with a select group of them.

And if this post has ruined your Christmas spirit then....well...you probably had a small amount of spirit anyways.

I mean who really listens to me? Is anyone still reading this? Or are you just waiting for the next Hailey picture to pop up.

She gets all the attention...