Law and Order: Utah

In the criminal dental system, the people are persecuted by two separate, yet equally sadistic groups. The Cassie's who make them go to appointments, and the dentists who torture the innocent. These are their stories...

DUN DUN!

Case Docket #3.145 Jonny v. Dentist part 3

Some of you who have been suffering through this blog may remember a blog post I made about a year ago about going to the dentist. If you don't remember that blog, look it up cause I have no idea how to post the link all fancy and don't care to learn.

For those of you who do remember, then this guy may seem familiar.

Actual picture of dentist

Well apparently when you do a cleaning you are supposed to go back for a follow up cleaning within a couple months.

Wait Jonny, if you are supposed to have gone back in a couple months, then why are you just now posting about it?

Great question! Thanks for asking.

I'm a crafty individual. I managed to miss those appointments like David misses the spellcheck button.

Ba-dum pshhhh!

However, as luck would have it, Cassie managed to get me locked down for an appointment. By "locked down" I mean she threatened to be really mad at me for a loooooooooong time. And I think she meant it.

So off we go to the dentist today. And let me tell you people, I have never bargained to get out of anything so hard in my entire life. I was trying to cut deals with Cassie today that would make a used car salesmen look like a fluffy bunny.

After realizing I wasn't going to get out of it, I took the little Kenny approach and would not speak to Cassie the whole drive up there.

When we get there, I was allowed about 13 seconds to get mentally ready before they called my name to go back. (Darn speedy service)

As I sat down I promptly let them know that I do not take good care of my teeth and if they expect to be stabbing my gums, they better either have a safety plan in place or be prepared to have an angry rhino running around the little room.

They told me they could give me laughing gas. While this sounded like it would be really fun to see what I would do on laughing gas, I asked them what option B was. They ultimately put this numbing gel stuff on my gums that made my gums, lips, and tongue go numb.

You know what's great about that numbing stuff, I didn't feel a thing.

You know what's not great about that numbing stuff, it only works for 15 MINUTES!

So here I am, watching TV on the ceiling, getting splashed in the face with my own slobber (sexy huh), when out of nowhere the stuff wears off when they have some metal thingy shoved under my tooth.

Naturally I jerked away. This cause the sharp, spinning metal thingy to hit my tongue, which wasn't numb anymore either.

I'm not sure what happened in the rest of that episode of Home Improvement, but I am sure that I developed 6 new swear words in my head.

After that was all done, the dentist shows up to tell me I have a couple of cavities that need to be fixed. He asked if I would be available on April 14th to fix it. I told him we would be gone to Fresno for the summer on April 13th. (which may or may not have been true)

I wanted to be cooperative though.

So I set up an appointment for Oct 2nd when I will be living in Texas.

Well, to wrap this up I guess I should go out on a Law and Order note.

Judge: On the account of Mouth-slaughter in the 1st degree how do you find?

Foredude: We the people find the dentist, guilty.

(Cut to Jack McCoy drinking Scotch and saying something witty about how the criminal dentist system is changed forever.)