After thanksgiving break, Cassie had to go back to work to support my 8 year path to graduation.
She loves me.
Since my classes are mostly in the evening, I get to watch Hailey during the day.
The kid is still alive so I'm assuming I'm doing pretty well. Hailey and I have an arrangement. She agrees not to poop on me and I agree not to drop her off at the nearest hospital.
It's a good deal.
Yesterday was a little rough because she just wanted to cry and be held all day. This makes playing video gam.... I mean doing homework very difficult. Little did I know that yesterday's grumpiness was a prequel to today's hell.
Apparently kids can do this thing where they don't poop for like 3 days and then they cash in. Hailey has developed this pattern of bowl movement. Yesterday she was grumpy because it was the end of day three. I think you know where this is going.
People...I have no words.....to describe...the horror... of today.
...
And it's only noon.
And to make things better, we are not adequately prepared for day 4.
I have been awake for 2 and 1/2 hours and changed her diaper 3 times. We ran out of wipes after the first time. This means Jonny has to find alternatives to cleaning her backside. Oh, and Cassie doesn't have her phone on her today so her advice is out. Luckily our friend Merideth did have her phone on her and advised me that using Clorox Disinfecting Wipes was a bad idea.
What?! I thought a wipe was a wipe!
So after wrapping a sweaty gym sock around my face to mask the smell, I went in for round 2 with no wipes. Just a rag.
You know what a warm rag is not good at cleaning up?
A 3 gallons of smelly poo with the consistency of mustard.
I hope no one is eating. If you are, apologize to your keyboard for me since your lunch just made a comeback.
After a poor job of cleaning said bum, I tried to put the diaper in the Diaper Genie. For those of you with kids, you know when the Diaper Genie is packed to the top and you still try to squeeze one it? You know what that does to a diaper? Makes it act like a sponge. Just for future reference.
But wait! It gets better!
yay.
During round 3... I was pretty sure she was done for the next 15 minutes. I was wrong.
Right in the middle of wiping...she released the atom bomb of poo all over me.
I screamed like a 6 year old girl and FREAKED OUT!
And I'm pretty sure she smiled at me.
Unfortunately our arrangement we had won't work out because Cassie and I have another arrangement. She comes home to a safe and happy Hailey and I don't have to go to the nearest hospital.
Well, I have to go boil my hand now. Have a great day everyone!
8 comments:
LOL...sorry honey. You're doing a great job though.
Welcome to parenthood Jonny. You will survive, I promise. I did with you and am not TOTALLY crazy. Love ya, I know you are doing a great job with such a SWEET little girl. Wish I was there to clean those diapers for you, I would love to have the chance.
Hey my kids were like a year old before every SINGLE diaper wasn't poopy. EVERY SINGLE diaper. Wet diapers were treasured and loved. Man that was too much poop.
You're not really a parent until the child poops on you. Did you look like this? http://beeghandrandee.blogspot.com/2008/07/already-loving-motherhood.html
Been there...done that. You wouldn't believe how much poop a little preemie can make. Too bad they're too cute. Note to Jonny, Gavin throws up constantly. If you hold him during Christmas, that's a risk you'll be taking. I get thrown up on at least 20 times a day. Ain't parenthood great?
Jonny, you are amazing! The nurse in the Special Care Nursery would be so-o-o proud of you. I certainly am! And just think, in a couple of weeks, Mimi can do all the diapers. : )
You have depressed me. I have been changing poopy butts for 6 1/2 years straight. And since little monkey number 2 WILL NOT poop in the potty, it looks like I am up for about a ten year stretch. Thanks for the reminder of what I have look forward to.
and a heads up...breast milk poop is nothing compared to baby food poop. Just think on that.
Jonny, you are hilarious! I think you should have been a writer; I believe you have a great novel in you one day! But finish your degree first, hopefully soon, right Cassie? Looks like to me you are doing a great job as Mr. Mom...except I'm glad you called Meredith because all wipes are not created equal. Hang in there...
Mama Joy
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